dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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