I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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