escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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