Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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