I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
