Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
