You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
