The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
