Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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