That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
