dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
