My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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