he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
and she was petting her beer can
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
