That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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