Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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