I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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