I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
