I smell stomach acid.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
