Dual....:-)
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
