I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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