Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
My pussy is not your playground.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
