I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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