I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
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I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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