I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Shame is for Republicans.
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