I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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