So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
