Who did Billy Mays play for?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
