ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
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does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
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Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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