Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
They are going to name an STD after you.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Text me some of your sweat
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
