Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Four minutes until I can fart!
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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