i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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