so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
