24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
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I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
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I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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