Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
