He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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