I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
