I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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