so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
