Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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