highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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