Someone shit on the floor
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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