do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Randomize
