i wish starbucks made bloody marys
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
