its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
