why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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