I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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