In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I need to calm my uterus...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
