I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
