Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
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so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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