And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
