You're completely useless in the revolution.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Your penis caused this!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
