Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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