"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
