forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
