nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
