you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
