It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
