i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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