She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
