Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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