This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
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