i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i think we sleep fucked last night...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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