do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
