i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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