Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
