So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
