How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
