I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
