If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
