Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Buhtt sex?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
