Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
