I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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