sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
