did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just googled if crying burns calories
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
