i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
It was confusing and full of hummus
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
