y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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